Composing: Balancing or Alternate Thoughts

Listed below are alternative responses to the eight limited thinking patterns. It isn't necessary to read through the list from beginning to end. Use it as a reference when you are having problems with a particular pattern.

1. Filtering

You have been stuck in a mental groove, focusing on things from your environment that typically frighten, sadden, or anger you. In order to conquer filtering you will have to deliberately shift focus. You can shift focus in two ways: First, place your attention on coping strategies for dealing with the problem rather than obsessing about the problem itself. Second, focus on the opposite of your primary mental theme. For example, if you tend to focus on the theme of loss, instead focus on what you still have that is of value. If your theme is danger, focus instead on things in your environment that represent comfort and safety. If your theme is injustice or stupidity or incompetence, shift focus to what people do that does meet with your approval.

2. Polarized thinking

The key to overcoming polarized thinking is to stop making black-or-white judgments. People are not either happy or sad, loving or rejecting, brave or cowardly, smart or stupid. They fall somewhere along a continuum. They are a little bit of each. Human beings are just too complex to be reduced to either/or judgments.

If you have to make these kinds of ratings, think in terms of percentages: "About 30 percent of me is scared to death, and 70 percent is holding on and coping," "About 60 percent of the time he seems terribly preoccupied with himself, but there's the 40 percent when he can be really generous," "Five percent of the time I'm an ignoramus; the rest of the time I do all right."

3. Overgeneralization

Overgeneralization is exaggeration-the tendency to take a button and sew a vest on it, Fight it by quantifying instead of using words like huge, awful, massive, minuscule, and so on. For example, if you catch yourself thinking, "We're buried under massive debt," rephrase with a quantity: "We owe $27,000."

Another way to avoid overgeneralization is to examine how much evidence you really have for your conclusion. If the conclusion is based on one or two cases, a single mistake, or one small symptom, then throw it out until you have more convincing proof. This is such a powerful technique that most of the next chapter is devoted to amassing evidence for and against your hot thoughts.

Stop thinking in absolutes by avoiding words such as every, all, always, none, never, everybody, and nobody. Statements that include these words ignore the exceptions and shades of gray. Replace absolutes with words such as may, sometimes, and often. Be particularly sensitive to absolute predictions about the future such as "No one will ever love me." They are extremely dangerous because they can become self-fulfilling prophecies.

Pay close attention to the words you use to describe yourself and others. Replace frequently used negative labels with more neutral terms. For example, if you call your habitual caution cowardice, replace it with care. Think of your excitable mother as vivacious instead of ditzy. Instead of blaming yourself for being lazy, call yourself laid-back.